Pyramid Schemes

Oh, those suckers at the top are gonna have a windfall now that the Malaysian economy is going in the tank. Those bastards at the very top of these pyramids. Reminds me of that bloke based in Hong Kong.

Anyways, I hope I don't sound too arrogant or anything, but I get really pissed when I realize how some nice people around me can be so gullible and actually think schemes that involve parting with your money and recruiting people to do the same for a commission can be profitable, considering the nature and the law of exponentials. And they're not uneducated people. These are business grads, engineering grads, university students - all young urban professionals.

I mean c'mon people, it's simple math! Simple math that will tell you such schemes will not last due to the limited people that can be recruited - or conned, considering the obscene amounts of 'success stories' they tell you and fast cars they show off during their introductionary 'seminars'. If you're still too lazy to do some research or calculations, here's a diagram from Wikipedia to show the unsustainability of it:

See? And most of the time, a huge percentage of the 'recruitment' fee goes right to the top to the sucker who started this and probably counts his money while laughing away at how stupid you people can get. It also doesn't matter if actual goods (like 'medicinal' lamps) get sold during the process. Most of the time they're highly marked up from the original pricing so the suckers at the top can milk more money from the recruited cows at the bottom. Yes, this very aspect involving the transfer of items probably also makes it legitimate from a legal standpoint, but from a morality one, it's highly unethical. And so are the dubious recruiting tactics:

i) Brainwashing 'seminars' where people are invited on the basis of attending a simple business talk (which cost me RM20, by the way. The price of giving face to a 'friend'...);

ii) Ridiculously high amounts of false hope dispensed involving lots of luxury cars, success-made-simple stories, bragging about buying RM50k Rolex watches (I kid you not!), etc;

iii) Belittling your current financial status - questioning whether are you getting the money you deserve, how your current job and life sucks cos you ain't making enough money, how your boss is taking you for a ride by getting the big bucks while you're working your ass off for shit, etc;

iv) Avoiding simple questions about sustainability and profit potential through ambiguous statements like "in every business you have to work hard," or "RM[insert amount] is a small amount to pay nowadays to start a business";

v) Avoiding questions about failure rates (those who failed to break even and hence lost money) but instead, blaming these failures for their lack of effort though it's obvious that it's not an easy task trying to persuade a person face-to-face to part with a large amount of money. Which is why come to think of it, they'd rather avoid telling you immediately their 'business model' but instead prefer if you come to their 'seminars' where they can convince you with crowd pressure and other psychological factors;

vi) Making it sound as if it's an opportunity to you by wanting to share their wealth making technique since you're a friend/relative/[insert relation], when in actual fact, they're more interested in the commission they will get once you join;

vii) Fill these seminars with their members (poor sods who have been brainwashed) who engage in overenthusiastic welcomes, cheers and actions in order to give an appearance of trust and success to outsiders new to this;

viii) Tell you that this is a chance to be your own boss;

ix) Members, even those you don't know, are extremely friendly and overenthusiastic about getting you started, which logically, will not happen in a perfectly honest business. I mean which business would want more competition unless they have something to benefit from this competition?

x) Masking their schemes under names like 'network marketing' or 'multi-level marketing' to lend it a sense of legitimacy;

xi) Calling it a franchise because for the amount you pay, you get some really overpriced items and the right to sell these items. After that, the cycle repeats itself when you recruit people and sell them items and the right to sell these items. And they will repeat the exact same thing later by recruiting and selling to someone else. Confusing? Well think about it this way. In a real franchise like McD, I don't exactly get the right to sell Big Macs just because I bought one, do I?

Look, I have no problem with them if everything is done in an honest manner without all the added sugar. I have no problem if during these 'seminars', a business plan is outlined and people are made aware of how the 'business' (if you can even call it that) works.

What I have a problem with, is the secretive (read: lying, ambiguous, double-faced) nature of the way they work. More specifically, not making clear certain things when they invite you to their 'seminars' or not telling you from the start how they actually make their money. Ask yourself this question, o' potential investors: what kind of business is this if it does not even have the guts to tell you their plans face on but instead, prefers to subject you to a two hour show of chest thumping rags-to-riches nonsense before giving you an idea of what they're doing? Oh, and they will probably tell you after the 'seminar' - just like they told me - not to tell anyone else about their business under the reason that the general public might misunderstand them.

But why the need to hide in the dark if this business is perfectly legit? Instead of the truth, what you will get after the 'seminar' is a teaser: come to this whatever one-day thing we're organizing and you will get a clearer picture of how our business works. All fine, until you consider the RM150 or someting you will have to fork out for what I will assume is another uber-brainwashing session. But I guess that's how the scheme works - by flooding your brain with delusions of riches and taking advantage of your greed, which I will admit, is something everyone has.

If you're still not convinced by this point as to why you shouldn't throw a penny at these schemes, ask youself this question: can you live with the fact that you're making money by selling people false hope? By asking them to 'seminars' to have them brainwashed so that they will part with their money and you then get a cut of it?

Legit in the eyes of the law this scheme may be, but I know I'd rather be poor and ride my beaten down C70 for the rest of my life rather than make money out of people through dubious means and drive a BMW Z4 - especially if those people happen to be my family and friends. Its a syn...I mean sin, no matter how you look at it.

Finally, to my 'friend' who may be reading this, I say you know who you are. And just so you know, here's my middle finger and a big 'f*ck you'. Shame on you for trying to get an old friend to one of your 'seminars' without telling him exactly what he's in for. If you had the balls to tell me from the start it will be about the business you're in and that I will have to fork out RM20 to attend it, I probably would've attended it anyway because you were honest and I'd give you face as a friend. Not telling the entire truth isn't lying, but it's cheating nontheless. I hope you realize this before you lose all your friends.

"If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is,"

Opportunity my ass. Guess for once my pessimism actually saved me from being conned.